Anal Sex, top or bottom or not at all?

Introduction by Colin Richards

Recently I have been asked by both men and women about the growing requirement / desire to include anal sex in a sexual relationship. Certainly as an additional sexual activity it is on the up as it were but is this just an internet generated phenonium or is anal sex opening the way for greater sexual intimacy and trust between partners or are women and some men being encouraged in to a form of new sex that is simply just not comfortable for them?

Most heterosexual men that I have spoken with are keen to try out anal sex with their female partners but it seems that they when they refer to anal sex they assume that they would be in the “top” position and their partners being penetrated rather than the other way around. Many of these men state that before the more open availability of porn on the internet they had not considered anal sex but now with anal sex being performed almost as the norm in most of what they watch it is more appealing and they want to have a go.

However when these same men were asked if their partner were to strap on a strap on and want to reciprocate  most replied with a perceptable clench of the buttocks   and facial grimace though some did say ” ok as long as she was gentle”.  When women were asked the same questions it appeared that more were willing to give it a go with a few actually expressing a real desire and pleasure in receiving anal sex. Whether that pleasure was to be their own pleasure or it was the pleasure gained by pleasing their dominant partner is not clear and deeper research is needed to clarify this.

When women were asked about wearing the strap on and performing anal sex on their male partners the reactions were from mild interest to genuine excitement. So in both cases it seems that whether male or female being the top is of greater preference than being the bottom. Some females even went on to say that they quite enjoyed watching two men have anal sex in front of them provided that thye did not feel left out and superfluous to the action.

In regard to bi sexual and homosexual men anal sex is clearly more the expected norm but again their appears a split down the middle as to wether one is a top or bottom with a few stating that they are versatile meaning happy to be both. This is not to say that all gay men partake in anal sex, far from it I have worked with many gay men who have never been a top or bottom but have mainly stuck with oral sex

and masturbation with their respective partners. However those gay and bi sexual men who enjoy being penetrated say that it is both physically and emotionally pleasurable and that the sensation of  being filled and having the prostate rubbed can be very stimulating but that it is also the sense of being dominated in an extremely intimate manner that adds to the emotional connection between those taking part.

For the female, who does not have a prostate those that found it physically pleasurable said that they were experiencing referred sensation from the anus to the vaginal wall a but that also it was the feeling of the primal submissiveness that they enjoyed as well and that being penetrated anally could be considered as breaking the ultimate taboo and ultimate naughty girl experience.

Additional Article

Below is an article written by Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH who is co-Director of The Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University’s School of Public Health-Bloomington, a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, and author of five books about sex and love.

That anal sex remains taboo may explain why a study about anodyspareunia – that is, pain during anal penetration – received little attention when it was published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. The study should have turned heads: It was the first research on anodyspareunia among women; it was conducted by a well-respected scientist (Dr. Aleksander Stulhofer from the University of Zagreb); and it was centered on young women and sex. That’s often the kind of research that attracts media attention (Young women sext! They get pregnant! They give oral sex! You get the picture …). However, anal sex remains such a strong taboo that this otherwise important study barely turned a head.

Except it did turn mine. Here’s why. In an incredibly short period of time, anal sex has become a common part of Americans’ sex lives. As of the 1990s, only about one-quarter to one-third of young women and men in the U.S. had tried anal sex at least once. Less than 20 years later, my research team’s 2009 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior found that as many as 40-45 percent of women and men in some age groups had tried anal sex. With its rising prevalence, I felt it was important to devote a chapter of my first book, “Because It Feels Good,” to anal health and pleasure — only to find that a magazine editor wouldn’t review it because the topic of anal sex was “not in the best interest of our readership.” Even though nearly half of American women in some age groups have done it! She added, “In the correct circles, I personally will be suggesting the book to those with whom I can share such a resource.”

Hmm. The correct circles. Which ones would those be? The ones where scores and scores of women openly sit around talking about anal sex between glasses of wine?

So taboos persist and anal sex remains hush-hush even though more people are doing it. What changed to make it more common, anyway? It’s not entirely clear – after all, rates of masturbation, vaginal sex, oral sex and other sexual practices don’t seem to have changed too much. However,  it’s commonly thought that the widespread access to porn played a role. Some research has found that anal sex was shown in 56 percent of sex scenes studied even though national data of real people’s sex lives show that fewer than 5 percent of Americans had anal sex during their most recent sexual experience.