The current and most common description of cuckolding is a man who gets turned on his watching his wife have sex with other men without taking part himself. Cuckolding occurs when a married woman has a sexual encounter with another man with her husband’s full knowledge and consent. She does it because it makes him aroused and reputedly because he is inadequate in bed himself.
Psycho-Sexuality Engineer Colin Richards of Intimacy Matters has been working with the phenomena of cuckolding for the past five years and although he agrees somewhat with the humiliation idea he also believes that there are several other motivations why some men enjoy watching their wives or girlfriends have sex with another man.
But first, let’s look at the traditional meaning of cuckold.
The word cuckold and what it has always meant (and everything it means now), I just had this vague idea that a cuckold was a man worthy of mockery. The truth is that being cuckold today means something very different from what it did when the word was first coined. The original meaning of “cuckold” is very old.
Cuckold originally meant being the wronged husband of an adulterous wife.The first recorded use, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, was in a satirical poem called “The Owl and The Nightingale.”
The word is derived from the cuckoo bird which is known for laying its eggs in the nests of other birds. Only in this case, instead of eggs, it’s a wife laying with a man who is not her husband. An important part of this definition is the notion that the husband has no idea that his wife is pulling one over on him. Calling a man a cuckold is to mock him, according to this definition. Not only is he not “man enough” to keep his woman from straying he’s also a fool who doesn’t even realize that his wife is cheating on him. Another phrase you’ll often hear bandied about with “cuckold” in the ancient definition of the word is “wearing the horns” or “he’s wearing the horns of a cuckold.”
When someone mentions horns this way, they are referring to the mating rituals of stags. Cuckolding is a sexual fetish that a lot of people enjoy.
“Cuckolding” or “cucking” is when a man and his partner derive sexual pleasure from the woman having sex with men who are not her partner.
Very often, her partner is “forced” to watch his wife or partner being unfaithful. It’s a fetish that, like many others, is formed in a masochistic love being humiliated.
In that way, cuckolding is a subset of the BDSM kink world.
Like with many other kinks, what’s appealing to men who are self-proclaimed cucks is the element of escapism, taking a break from the restrictions of their daily lives.
“It’s a stress reliever,” “I know my wife loves me, I know she’s not going anywhere, but the idea that I’m not man enough for her or that she has needs I can’t meet gets me going,” is often cited as the hook.
“It’s atavistic, like, my role as her husband is to give her kids and keep her satisfied, right? But when I’m cucking, it’s taking those expectations and ripping them away. It’s a high like nothing else.’
While many other sexual fetishes have become more accepted in the mainstream cuckolding is still something that stays in the closet.
Other apparent motivations of the cuckold.
Colin offers couples the opportunity to explore cuckolding within the environment of sensual massage.
This is when the female is the ‘receiver of the sensual massage and the male partner watches. Motivations that he sees that extend beyond the need for humiliation are:-
- I want approval from another man by sharing my partner with him.
Colin says “Although not spoken at the time when giving a sensual massage to a wife or girlfriend I often have the male partner ask me if I am enjoying giving her the massage. This seems reminiscent of the time the child shared his toys with the other boys to belong to the gang.’
- Misplaced colonial approval
Colin says “ Cuckolding seems more popular with couples from cultures and ethnicities that were once under colonial rule and there appears to be an unconscious belief that the western male can pleasure his partner better than he can”
- I can not satisfy her in the way she wants
Colin says “ some men explain that they feel they can not get the approval from their female partner sexually, so the fall back is to gain approval by arranging for another man to give her sexual satisfaction.
- I want to watch a sexually experienced man satisfy my partner so that I can learn how to be a better lover
Unlike watching porn which for many men can be intimidating because of the stereotypical ‘stud’ image of the men involved, learning how to be a better lover from someone who they can relate to can be both arousing and informative.
Exploring Cuckolding for the first time
For those couples who want to explore ‘Cuckolding’ in a safe and professional environment that not only gives them the chance to explore the situation but also to understand their desires better Colin offers several types of experiences.
Colin says “By exploring ‘Cuckolding’ with a professional, it ensures that the adventure is contained within both sexual and emotional boundaries and that there is no chance that the female would become emotionally involved with the provider. It also allow the couple to create the experience they want rather than to the agenda of the third party which is handled wrongly can jeopardise the relationship.
For the cuckold experience to be successful the emotional relationship between the couple must remain sacrosanct since if the female becomes emotionally attracted to the provider then the cuckold experience can fall into becoming an affair which ultimately will break the trust that is essential for the cuckold relationship to work.
Watch & Enjoy’ Cuckold Couples Massage
- 105 minute “Absolute” massage for the female – £245
- 90 minute “Premium” massage for the male – £205
- 60 minute – Standard/Re-Energiser for either him or her – £155
The “Watch & Enjoy” cuckold massage is perfect the couple where one partner wants to watch the other partner receive the sensual massage. The massage given is the 105 minute “Absolute” Massage for the female or the 90-minute Premium Massage for the male. As well as enjoying seeing their partner experience the pleasures of this massage it also provides a perfect opportunity to learn a few techniques in erotic arousal.
Perfect for women – a new sensation
For the female, this cuckold massage often enables her to experience a different type of touch and sensual dynamic from a man than the one she regularly experiences. This often means she will enjoy sensations that she may not have felt before and so is particularly good for women who experience difficulty reaching orgasm.
‘Watch & Touch’ Couples Massage
- 105 minute “Absolute” massage for the female – £265
- 90 minute “Premium” massage for the male – £225
- 60 minute – £195
The “Watch & Touch” massage is probably the most popular couples massage I give because it enables one partner to enjoy the therapeutic element of the massage and explore the gradual arousal that it encourages whilst the other partner watches. Then after about 40 minutes, when the erotic energy develops, the watching partner can join in and the massage becomes a 4 hands experience with all the excitement and exploration that comes with that.The massage given is the “Absolute” Massage for the female or the Premium massage for the male.
- The woman who has wondered what it would be like to be desired and pampered by two men at the same time.
- The straight or bisexual man who wants to explore his sexuality with his female partner watching and then taking part.
- The gay man who wants to watch his partner enjoy the experience and then join in towards the end.
- Female receiver wants to watch her male partner explore same-sex intimacy
- Male partner wants to perform for his female partner
- Female partner is aware that male partner is bisexual and wants to enable the opportunity safely and without deception.
‘Give With Me’ Couples Massage
- 105 minute “Absolute” massage for the female – £285
- 90 minute “Premium” massage for the male – £245
- 60 minute – £195
The ‘Give With Me’ massage is similar to the two treatments mentioned above and is given as an option for the couple where one partner wants to help give the whole massage to the other partner as 4 hands, with myself as leader and guide. I can be partnered with either with the male or female to give to the other partner. The massage given is the ‘Absolute’ Massage for the female or the ‘Premium’ Massage for the male.
Here are some of the reasons given by previous couples for taking the participation massage:-
- My female partner wants to experience 4 hands massage but wants me to be one of the masseurs
- My male partner wants to experience 4 hands but wants me to be one of the masseurs
- We are beginning to explore wider sexual horizons and this seems a great place to start
- I want to learn how to arouse my partner better
- I want to improve my confidence in giving foreplay
For more details of the Couple’s Cuckold Massages visit Treatments for Couples