Healing The Wound
How Authentic Sex Education and Sensual Touch Can Counter Misogyny and Sexual Aggression in Young Men
By Colin Richards, Intimacy Matters
There is a growing and troubling phenomenon among young men today—one that is fuelled by the darker currents of online culture, pornography, and social alienation. Misogyny, entitlement, and aggressive sexual behaviour are not only increasingly visible but are becoming internalised as normal by some segments of male youth. Nowhere is this more dangerously evident than in the rise of the Incel movement—”involuntary celibates”—a subculture of disaffected young men whose frustration at their lack of intimacy curdles into anger and even hatred toward women.
This is not a fringe issue. Incel-related forums and influencers garner millions of views, and their rhetoric spills over into gaming culture, TikTok, and Instagram. The underlying message? That women are cruel gatekeepers of sex, that masculinity is best expressed through dominance, and that vulnerability and affection are weaknesses. Add a cocktail of easily accessible extreme porn, algorithmically-fed grievance content, and absent or inadequate sex education—and you have a generation of boys being shaped by misinformation, fear, and fury.
But there is an antidote.
The Power of Authentic Sex and Intimacy Education
At the core of this crisis lies a failure of sex education—not just in schools, but in culture itself. Young men are taught about consent as a legal checkbox, not as part of an empathic exchange. They’re shown sex as friction-based penetration, not as an opportunity for connection, emotion, and erotic creativity.
Authentic, embodied, sex-positive education—that includes touch, intimacy, and emotional awareness—is urgently needed.
This is the space in which I, as a sexologist and intimacy practitioner, have worked for nearly two decades. At Intimacy Matters, I’ve pioneered a practical and heart-led form of education that teaches men how to give pleasure, not take it. How to connect, not conquer. And how to transform sexual energy into healing energy—both for themselves and for the women they touch.
One of the most powerful tools in this work is sensual massage.
Read about the sensual massage classes for men to give to women
Why Sensual Massage Is a Revolutionary Practice for Men
Sensual massage, when taught with integrity, is not about titillation or performance. It’s about deep listening through touch, about presence, and about honouring the receiver—often a woman—by inviting her to guide the pace and depth of the experience.
In my classes for men—ranging from personal coaching sessions to my “Massage My Woman” and “Touch & Turn On” training courses—what I see time and time again are men who came in awkward, unsure, and often a little afraid, leaving with a new sense of confidence, calm, and purpose. They learn that giving to a woman is not emasculating; it is deeply empowering.
One 29-year-old client, “James” (name changed), came to me after years of feeling resentful towards women who he felt had rejected or ignored him. He was steeped in online forums that encouraged his bitterness. But beneath the anger was loneliness and confusion. After taking part in my five-day sensual massage course, including practical sessions with professional female receivers, James described it as “like learning a new language—one I didn’t even know existed.” For the first time, he saw a woman’s pleasure as something he could co-create, not demand.
Men like James are not rare. Many young men today feel lost, humiliated, and angry—not because they are inherently misogynistic, but because no one has shown them another way.
From Misogyny to Compassion: Transforming Sexual Energy
The truth is, sexual energy is neither good nor bad—it is powerful, and when left unchannelled, it can become destructive. But when directed with skill, intention, and care, it becomes one of the most beautiful creative forces we possess.
Sensual massage gives men a framework for that transformation. Instead of “performing” sex, they learn to feel it. Instead of chasing orgasm as the goal, they learn that slow sex—long, teasing touch, mindful breath, emotional connection—is often more pleasurable, and more satisfying, than goal-driven intercourse.
This shift changes more than just their technique. It changes their sense of identity. When a man experiences the joy of giving pleasure—not for ego validation, but for the shared joy it brings—it rewires the very assumptions he has about relationships and gender.
Another client, “Ahmed,” came to me after experiencing sexual anxiety and shame from his strict cultural upbringing. After learning how to touch a woman with conscious awareness and permission, he said: “I always thought women were mysterious, dangerous, or manipulative. But now I see they’re just as scared, just as wanting to be seen and loved. That changes everything.”
The Role of Society: A Call to Action
This work cannot be left to a few sexologists and educators. It needs to be scaled, supported, and integrated into mainstream society.
- Schools must expand their curriculum to include emotional literacy, foreplay, and mutual pleasure—not just STI warnings and anatomical charts.
- Governments and health services must fund programmes that support intimacy education for young men, especially those at risk of isolation or violence.
- Social media platforms must be held accountable for hosting misogynistic and hyper-sexualised content, and should also spotlight creators offering positive, responsible sexuality content.
- Parents and carers must begin having ongoing, shame-free conversations with their children—especially boys—about love, pleasure, and respect.
- Therapists, coaches, and educators should receive training in how to incorporate embodied sexuality and sensual touch education into their work.
A Vision for the Future: The Intimacy Matters Sex & Intimacy Centres
To bring this work into the heart of the community, I propose the creation of Sex & Intimacy Centres—dedicated spaces for teaching competitive sexuality, foreplay mastery, sexual communication, and emotional intelligence for individuals and couples.
These centres will offer:
- Residential programmes for immersive learning
- Practical workshops in sensual massage, touch therapy, and slow sex techniques
- Lectures and presentations on the science of arousal, consent, and connection
- Events and social learning spaces where men and women of all backgrounds can safely explore intimacy without shame or stigma
Initially based in the UK, with a view to expand internationally depending on cultural and legal permissions, these centres would provide a progressive alternative to outdated sex education models and offer a direct counter to the harmful influence of online misogyny and pornified masculinity.
While the vision is clear, its realisation requires substantial financial backing. Funding is could be sought from private sponsors, philanthropic organisations, and public sector grants to develop the infrastructure, training frameworks, and safe practice protocols required to deliver this work at scale. Additionally involvement by and partnerships with mental health organisations, youth charities, and educational institutions to create a holistic, integrative model would be of great benefit.
A loose precedent can be found in the Esalen Institute in California, which has long championed embodied learning and sexuality studies in a retreat setting. The Intimacy Centres would draw from such models while integrating a uniquely British, hands-on approach to sensual education rooted in real-world relationship challenges.
What Intimacy Matters Is Already Doing
At Intimacy Matters, a community has organically developed where these ideas aren’t radical—they’re reality. From weekend retreats for couples to training intensives, from individual practical tuition to professional sensual massage certifications, every programme Colin Richards offers is built around the same core principle:
Sex is not about performance or conquest. It’s about connection, communication, and creative expression.
Colin works closely with receivers who volunteer in the training, creating a safe and respectful space for students to practise giving without expectation. The feedback is profound. Many of these female volunteers report a renewed sense of being valued, of being seen. And the men report that learning to give has taught them more about being a man than any porn, office and pub banter, or influencer ever did.
A Positive Vision for the Future
Let’s imagine a future where the term “Incel” fades into irrelevance—not because we’ve silenced it, but because we’ve replaced it with something far richer and more real.
Imagine a young man learning not just how to put on a condom, but how to touch someone with kindness, how to tune into another’s breath, how to communicate vulnerability without fear.
Imagine a generation of young men raised not on domination and frustration, but on curiosity, connection, and compassion.
Imagine a culture where men find their strength not in control, but in offering presence, and where they derive confidence not from conquest, but from the visible joy they bring to their lovers.
We are not powerless against the tides of misogyny. We just need to offer young men something alternative and something better.
Most young men today are unknowingly brainwashed by porn and social media to believe that aggressive, female-dominated sex is the only valid form of intimacy. Like the emperor in the fable, they follow this narrative blindly desperate for approval, yet disconnected from truth. The Intimacy Centres would lift that blindfold. Here, men learn that real connection comes not from conquest, but from compassion. That true self-worth is built not on control, but on compersion—the joy of giving pleasure. In this space, men feel genuinely valued, not for what they take, but for how deeply they can give.
Let that “better” be authentic, embodied sex education—grounded in touch, built on mutual joy, and offered with open hands and open hearts.
If you agree with this vision please circulate and forward this article on your social media. Lets get this message to the people who can help make a difference, politicians, media heads, investors and philanthropists. To enquire about partnerships and funding, contact Colin at www.intimacymatters.co.uk.
