According to the Sexual Advice Association, sexual problems affect around 50% of women and become more common as women get older. Dysfunction can include loss of desire, loss of arousal, problems with orgasm, and pain during sex. To identify the reasons behind sexual dysfunction, both physical and psychological factors have to be considered, including a woman’s relationship with her partner.
Seeking treatment for sex problems has become more socially acceptable today, but it’s still not easy for many women to talk to a professional about such an intimate area. There are probably a lot of women out there who could use therapy but don’t come because they’re embarrassed. They may go through years of needless pain or dissatisfaction.
The obvious thing is that you’re dealing with the human body so you can’t just talk about how you feel; you’ve got to work on the physical level as well. Sex therapy generally addresses the emotional issues underlying sexual problems and employs behavioural techniques to deal with the physical symptoms.
I offer women a down-to-earth approach to sex. I create an environment where you can talk freely and comfortably about any aspect of your sex life. If you are in a relationship, I take time to understand your mutual dynamic and what is causing the challenge. I help you to to explore your desires to find out what it is you want and then we talk about how these can be incorporated into your relationship – how your sex life can be energised and exciting again without risking all the other qualities that you have between the two of you.
Loss of desire
Loss of desire, or lack of sex drive, affects some women at certain times of life, such as during pregnancy or menopause or times of stress. But some women experience it all the time. A lack of sex drive can have a range of physical or psychological causes – including diabetes, depression, relationship problems, hormone disorders, excessive alcohol and drug use, tiredness, and previous traumatic sexual experience.
Sex drive can also fall if a woman’s natural testosterone levels drop. Testosterone is produced in the ovaries and adrenal glands, so levels can drop if these are removed or if they’re not functioning properly.
These can be divided into two types: primary (when a woman has never had an orgasm) and secondary (when a woman has had an orgasm in the past but can’t now). Some women don’t need to have an orgasm to enjoy sex, but an inability to reach orgasm can be a problem for some women and their partners. Reasons for why a woman can’t have an orgasm can include fear or lack of knowledge about sex, being unable to “let go”, not enough effective stimulation, relationship problems, mood disorders (such as depression), and previous traumatic sexual experience.
Psychosexual mentoring can help a woman overcome orgasm problems. It involves exploring her feelings about sex, her relationship and herself.
Pain during sex (also called dyspareunia) is common after the menopause as oestrogen levels fall and the vagina feels dry. This can affect a woman’s desire for sex, but there are creams that can help. Ask your GP or pharmacist.
Vaginismus is when muscles in or around the vagina go into spasm, making sexual intercourse painful or impossible. It can be very upsetting and distressing. Vaginismus can occur if the woman associates sex with pain or being “wrong” if she’s had vaginal trauma (such as childbirth or an episiotomy), relationship problems, fear of pregnancy, or painful conditions of the vagina and the surrounding area. It can often be successfully treated by focusing on sex education, counselling and the use of vaginal trainers. Vaginal trainers are cylindrical shapes that are inserted into the vagina. A woman will gradually use larger sizes until the largest size can be inserted comfortably.
Other areas of relationship challenge
- Lack of intimacy
- Sexual performance or exploration
- Anorgasmia (inability to orgasm)
- Situational anorgasmia (can’t orgasm with another person)
- Being single and wanting to explore or restart one’s sexual life
- Sexual orientation exploration
- Becoming a more confident and assertive lover
- Overcoming past trauma
- Lack of sexual confidence
- Wanting to break free of destructive patterns in relationships
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To talk to, text/whats app Colin direct call 07966 522 696.