I can’t orgasm – Anorgasmia

Why can’t I orgasm when I want to

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Anorgasmia and women’s orgasm challenges & frustrations

Testimonial given by a female client September 2023

Helping women overcome Anorgasmia: A path to fulfilling sex

With fifteen years of experience, I specialize in helping women achieve better, more fulfilling sex lives. Many women seek my help for situational or total anorgasmia, a condition far more common than many realize—over 40% of women face challenges reaching orgasm at some point in their lives. While I can’t always guarantee results, I’ve successfully helped many women achieve a level of sexual satisfaction they never thought possible.

Understanding anorgasmia

Anorgasmia can have complex causes, but once any physiological or medical issues are ruled out, it often comes down to anxiety during sex. Identifying the root of this anxiety can be challenging but is crucial for overcoming the issue.

Factors affecting sexual satisfaction

A woman’s sexual pleasure is influenced by her partner’s experience, knowledge, sexual skills, and creativity. Inexperienced or unimaginative partners, limited or rushed foreplay, and other factors can lead to secondary or complete anorgasmia.

My Approach: The Psychosensual treatment

As a professionally trained psychosexual therapist and sexological body practitioner, I use a combination of counselling and sensual massage, which I call Psychosensual Treatment. This approach explores the psychological factors interfering with sexual fulfilment and provides a physical experience that mimics the normal sexual arousal process. This treatment often yields remarkable results, sometimes helping clients overcome sexual performance issues in just one session.

Types of Anorgasmia

• Secondary Anorgasmia: Inability to orgasm with a partner, experienced by both men and women. In men, it can lead to erectile issues.
• Primary Anorgasmia: Inability to orgasm even through masturbation, more common in women. This can be due to physiological reasons, such as diabetes, multiple sclerosis, genital mutilation, total hysterectomy, or spinal cord injury, which must be ruled out before seeking emotional or practical help. Drug abuse, excessive alcohol, and antidepressants can also inhibit orgasm.

Psychological influences on Anorgasmia

The most common cause of anorgasmia is psychological, where learned survival behaviours from childhood interfere with the natural sexual arousal cycle. Understanding and addressing these psychological factors is key to overcoming anorgasmia.

Contact me for help

If you’re struggling with anorgasmia, know that help is available. Through a personalized and compassionate approach, I can guide you toward achieving the sexual satisfaction you deserve. Let’s work together to unlock your sexual potential and transform your intimate life.

Read this article on Colin’s work with Anorgasmia, as featured in the Independent 

Reasons & treatments for Anorgasmia

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My body wants to, but my mind won’t let go

Many men and women experiencing secondary anorgasmia face a conflict between their mind and body. Despite physical arousal—lubrication for women and erections for men—the anticipation of an orgasm often turns into disappointment and frustration. Initial optimism fades as the fear of failure takes over, leading to frustration, exhaustion, and resignation.

He can’t seem to hit the right spot

A common reason women struggle to reach orgasm is their partner’s lack of skill or inadequate foreplay. Women may feel reluctant to address this, even though they might achieve clitoral orgasm through self-stimulation, their partner’s hands, or oral sex. The primal dynamic for a woman is to feel desired. If the man is too timid, inexperienced, or focused on his pleasure, the mental stimulation required for her orgasm won’t occur.

Treatment strategy

Once I understand the situation, the treatment aims to make her feel desired and address the specific dynamics at play. Here’s a concise outline of the strategy:

1. Initial conversation:
   • Discuss her domestic situation, sexual experiences, and cultural or religious influences.
   • Ensure she feels comfortable and at ease.
2. Massage treatment:
   • Start with firm, confident traditional massage strokes on her upper body.
   • Gradually transition to longer, more explorative strokes to excite and stimulate her body and mind.
   • Use her responses to guide the treatment, becoming more assertive and intentionally arousing.
3. Advanced stimulation:
   • Apply firm pressure to the shoulders, groin, and pelvic floor.
   • Depending on her response, begin direct stimulation of the clitoris and internal vaginal area.
   • Adjust intensity based on feedback, using deeper penetration and vaginal wall massage to induce orgasm.
   • This method can often result in multiple orgasms and, in some cases, ejaculation.

Conclusion

By understanding and addressing the psychological and physical aspects of anorgasmia, I help women achieve the sexual satisfaction they deserve. My approach blends confidence, skill, and intuition to create a transformative experience. If you’re struggling with anorgasmia, know that help is available, and you don’t have to face this alone.

Intimacy Matters working with anorgasmia womens orgasm challenges

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I need them to orgasm before I do

Understanding the issue

Many men struggle to orgasm and ejaculate through penetrative sex due to a combination of mental and physical factors. For a man to reach orgasm, he must be fully aroused, mentally stimulated, and free of anxiety. He needs a snug fit between his penis and his partner’s vagina and must feel entitled to mutual pleasure. Men who focus more on their partner’s pleasure often struggle with their own orgasm. These men may have grown up with emotionally needy or anxious mothers, leading to self-critical tendencies and a lack of self-worth around women. This makes them over-vigilant and responsible for their partner’s pleasure, causing difficulty in reaching orgasm during penetration. Often, these men resort to masturbation to achieve orgasm, either in front of their partner or alone.

Treatment strategy

Before any physical treatment, exploring the emotional influences driving his need to please is crucial. Here’s a concise outline of the strategy:

1. Initial conversation:
   • Discuss his background, focusing on childhood behaviours, especially around primary female carers.
   • Identify any excessive need for approval and support.
   • Understand his sexual performance anxiety and its origins.
2. Counselling:
   • Help him recognize and address unconscious fears that stem from childhood.
   • Reframe these fears as inappropriate in the context of adult sexual relationships.
3. Skill building:
   • Teach him to become a more skilled and confident lover.
   • Encourage him to take the initiative and be more adventurous and sexually creative.
   • Guide him to reveal his assertive side and take control during sexual encounters.
4. Positive reinforcement:
   • As he adopts a more assertive and confident approach, his partner’s positive responses will boost his arousal.
   • This positive feedback loop will reduce his anxiety, making it easier for him to reach orgasm.

Conclusion

By understanding and addressing both emotional and physical factors, I help men overcome their difficulty with orgasm during penetrative sex. My approach combines counselling and skill-building to foster confidence and creativity, transforming their sexual experience. If you struggle with similar issues, know that help is available, and you can achieve the sexual satisfaction you desire.

Intimacy Matters working with anorgasmia and womens orgasm challenges

If I lose control, something terrible might happen

Understanding the issue

Many women struggle to orgasm due to control issues, which often stem from trust issues. To let go and relax during sex, a woman must feel trust towards her partner and the situation. This lack of trust is common among women who have experienced trauma or insecurity during their youth. As a result, they develop a behaviour strategy to stay in control, not necessarily to be controlling but to feel safe. The unconscious thought is, “If I am in control, then I am safe. If others around me are happy and non-threatening, then I am safe.” This need to be aware constantly and alert often inhibits orgasm.

Treatment Strategy

Anxiety during sex is a major barrier to experiencing pleasure. Here’s a concise outline of the treatment strategy to address this:

1. Initial conversation:
   • Discuss her background and identify the basis of her trust issues.
   • Reassure her that she is in a safe, caring place.
   • Emphasize that she doesn’t need to be responsible for everyone else’s happiness.
2. Creating a safe environment:
   • Provide a genuine sense of safety and security.
   • Use supportive holding and hugging movements to help her relax.
3. Physical treatment:
   • Start with soothing, calming touches to relax her body.
   • Gradually incorporate intimate touch with the intent to arouse, always remaining close and caring.
   • Approach erotic arousal cautiously to avoid discomfort and adverse reactions.
4. Progress over sessions:
   • Understand that orgasm may not happen immediately.
   • Build trust and comfort over a series of sessions, leading to a gradual release of control and eventual orgasm.

Conclusion

By addressing both emotional and physical factors, I help women overcome control issues that inhibit their ability to orgasm. My approach combines reassurance, trust-building, and intimate touch to create a transformative experience. If you struggle with similar issues, know that help is available, and you can achieve the sexual satisfaction you desire.

Intimacy Matters working with anorgasmia women’s orgasm challenges

I am such a busy person.

How can I hope to focus on orgasm?

Understanding the issue

For busy individuals, constantly on the go, finding time to focus on pleasure can seem impossible. Career-driven and always active, these people use busyness as a distraction. This goal-oriented mindset often translates into their sexual lives, making orgasm an elusive prize. Like striving for success in other areas, they may perpetually chase an unattainable goal.

Treatment strategy

Here’s a concise outline of the strategy to help busy individuals focus on achieving orgasm:

1. Initial conversation:
   • Discuss their background, focusing on the sources of their drive and pressure.
   • Identify any cultural or familial influences that contribute to their goal-oriented behaviour.
2. Creating a relaxed environment:
   • Assure them that orgasm is not the expected outcome of the treatment.
   • Emphasize the importance of enjoying the massage and the sensation of arousal without striving for a goal.
3. Massage treatment:
   • Encourage them to focus on themselves and the present moment.
   • Use massage techniques that help them relax and let go of their need to try harder.
   • Gradually introduce erotic stimulation to build arousal without pressure.

Case study

Recently, I treated a 38-year-old woman who had never experienced an orgasm. Raised in a high-pressure environment focused on academic achievement, she found it hard to let go during sex. By shifting her focus from achieving an orgasm to simply enjoying the sensations, she was able to experience not only her first orgasm but also a full-body orgasm. This approach helps break the cycle of striving and allows for genuine pleasure.

She doesn’t seem to like what I am doing

Understanding the issue

Men often need approval to feel aroused and achieve orgasm. This primal dynamic is rooted in the need for acceptance and assurance of genetic survival. If a man senses that his partner is not enjoying herself, he may feel anxious and concerned, hindering his ability to reach orgasm.

Treatment strategy

Here’s a concise outline of the strategy to help men who struggle with this issue:

1. Initial conversation:
   • Discuss his background, focusing on his need for approval and its origins.
   • Identify any specific behaviours or cues from his partner that trigger his anxiety.
2. Building confidence:
   • Teach him to communicate openly with his partner about his needs and desires.
   • Encourage him to focus on his own pleasure as well as his partner’s.
3. Skill building:
   • Guide him in becoming a more confident and creative lover.
   • Help him understand that his partner’s pleasure is not solely his responsibility.
4. Positive reinforcement:
   • Encourage him to recognize and appreciate positive feedback from his partner.
   • Use this feedback to build his confidence and reduce anxiety.

Conclusion

By addressing both emotional and physical factors, I help individuals overcome barriers to achieving orgasm. Whether it’s breaking the cycle of busyness or building confidence in their sexual abilities, my approach combines reassurance, skill-building, and intimate touch to create a transformative experience. If you struggle with similar issues, know that help is available, and you can achieve the sexual satisfaction you desire.

The treatment strategy  

I teach men skills and knowledge to enhance foreplay and expand their partners’ pleasure. Training for men who like women

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Good Girls Like Me Shouldn’t Do This

Understanding the issue

Men and women raised in culturally restrictive or highly moralistic environments often struggle with feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety regarding sex. They are taught that sex is solely for procreation and that enjoying it is sinful. This upbringing can profoundly impact their ability to reach orgasm, as seen in individuals who experience internal conflict between their beliefs and natural sexual desires.

Treatment strategy

Here’s a concise outline of the strategy to help individuals overcome these barriers:

1. Initial conversation

Discuss their background, focusing on cultural and religious influences.
Address feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety related to sex.

2. Creating a safe nevironment

Ensure discretion and security to help them feel comfortable and safe.
Reassure them that their natural sexual desires are valid and normal.

3. Gentle introduction

Start the treatment gently to allow relaxation and build trust.
Gradually encourage them to express their natural sexual needs.

4. Releasing suppressed energy

As they become more comfortable, suppressed sexual energy may be released, sometimes explosively. Focus on allowing them to experience and express their sexuality without judgment.

5. Building towards orgasm

While orgasm may not be immediate, the goal is to help them feel comfortable expressing their desires. Over time, this can lead to a significant release of sexual energy and eventual orgasm.

Conclusion

Helping individuals overcome guilt and shame related to sex can be life-changing. By providing a safe, non-judgmental environment and encouraging them to express their natural desires, I help them move past these barriers. If you struggle with similar issues, know that help is available, and you can achieve the sexual fulfilment you deserve.

For firsthand testimonials from women experiencing anorgasmia whom I have helped, take a look at my Ekomi reviews.

Intimacy Matters working with anorgasmia and women’s orgasm challenges

Psychosensual & Sensual Treatments for Women

Regular sensual massage allows women to experience sexual arousal in a non-judgmental, unconditional environment, promoting overall health and well-being. Sex and sexuality are integral parts of life, contributing to intimacy, pleasure, physical and mental health, and adventure. Sexual activities, such as intercourse or masturbation, offer numerous benefits across physical, intellectual, emotional, psychological, and social facets. However, they can have conditions or limitations that sometimes make the experience counterproductive.

A sensual massage, including erotic stimulation to orgasm, can provide these benefits and pleasures without the need for penetration or the restrictions of masturbation. It often reaches levels of sensation and fulfilment that traditional sexual encounters cannot achieve.

Discover More

Learn how sensual massage can enhance your sexual awareness and fulfilment in ways you never thought possible. Click here.

Read more about how sensual massage can open up your sexual awareness and fulfilment to levels you never thought possible Click here

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The Psychosensual Treatment

The 2 or 3-hour Psychosensual Treatment for performance/orgasm issues – From £280 to £380

Your choice of massage within the psychosexual treatment

Depending on your reason for coming to see me for help with any difficulty reaching orgasm and also depending on your past sexual experience and confidence, I can include any of the messages below within the Psychosensual Treatment.

The Absolute Premium Massage 105 minutes – £380

This is the most intense massage I give and is the massage I recommend.

The Exploration Massage 75 minutes – £330

A lighter massage that includes clitoral and internal vaginal stimulation

The Intimacy Massage 60 minutes – £280

This is the lightest sensual massage I give. It does not include any internal stimulation and remains on the surface of the body only

Apple

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/cosmopolitans-all-the-way-with/id1495335705 ,

Spotify

https://open.spotify.com/show/7sNMqLvplqIdMSk6riGd2Y

Episode 2 – Talking to Colin

Following Cee Cee’s extremely popular interview, Cosmo readers/listeners bombarded Cosmo to hear Colin himself.

Released May 24^th, 2020 and talking to Paisley Gilmore and deputy beauty editor/sex novice Laura Capon, Colin talks openly about what actually takes place within his treatments and explains why women come to see him for help with sexual fulfilment.

Listen to the podcast – Click here

Read Colin’s latest reviews at  Ekomi – Click here