For many, that first time sleeping with someone new can be an electrifying experience. For others it can be awkward. One thing is for sure, the focus of dating seems to be on sex more than ever before. Clear data on how long the average person waits before they have sex with a new partner is difficult to find, but with the advent of dating apps like Tinder and Grindr, a quick fix is the order of the day for many. But what if you’re looking for something more long term? How should you approach matters of sex with a new partner? Is there a ‘too soon’? Does the ‘three date rule’ matter? And what are the downfalls of jumping straight into bed with someone new? This article aims to answer all those questions and more…
Sex talk (and not the Tinder kind…)
Putting sexting to one side for a moment, having real, open and honest conversations about your sexual history, preferences and fantasies can be refreshing and a real eye opener at the start of a relationship – and could save you both a lot of trouble if it turns out you want completely different things! And whilst many people remain cagey about their true desires, even well into marriage, an openness about matters of sex makes it mush easier for both partners to have the truly fulfilling experience they desire.
If there are problems that could make things tricky when sleeping with someone new (a history of abuse for example, or fantasies that are, shall we say, unconventional and difficult to discuss, let alone ), these can be addressed and managed through sexual counselling, before they get in the way of your physical relationship.
How soon is too soon?
Here at Intimacy Matters, we believe in sex positivity and in promoting a confident and healthy sense sexuality that leaves people feeling fulfilled. More often than not, that happens when a sense of connection is formed between two people, that operates on both a physical and emotional level. Whilst it’s possible to achieve that on a first date when sleeping with someone new, it’s more likely to happen after a few.
The three date rule was long believed to be the ‘bench mark’ of how long to wait, but this was largely grounded in fears of being perceived as ‘easy’ or promiscuous. It’s more important to consider how jumping into bed with someone will make you feel, rather than worrying about what others think. Will you feel relaxed and comfortable? Do you trust the person? Do you feel ready? Is it going to be enjoyable and fulfilling? And will you regret it later? These are questions to ask yourself when wondering how long to wait before sleeping with someone new.
Getting off on the right foot
No matter how old or sexually experienced you are, it could be our parents were right all along – there’s much to be said about getting to know someone before you have sex with them. Many scientific studies support the notion of waiting to jump into bed for various reasons, from building that all-important emotional connection first, to determining what each party wants out of the relationship.
Not only does some time allow longer for the chemistry to build between two people, but you’ll be finding out crucial details about each other that take time to discover and can be key in knowing how to please each other sexually. Getting to know each other is vital when it comes to harmonious sex. What are your partner’s fantasies, turn-offs, erogenous zones? Sleeping with someone new can be a learning experience in itself, but think how much more incredible it could be with knowledge of exactly what your partner likes?
A date with a difference
Imagine your first time as a sensual learning experience for two, where you get to enjoy each other’s bodies whilst learning how to give and receive the kind of exquisite pleasure that will elevate foreplay to new heights? By the time you go back to your bedroom and take things further with penetration, you’ll be set up for a night of highly anticipated ecstasy.
For a truly unique date with a difference, Intimacy Matters can facilitate a learning experience for new couples, with either a private workshop designed for you to practice on each other, or a tandem massage for you to enjoy side by side, from two experts in sensual touch. You can find out more about these services here. You can also level up in your sexual repertoire through the verbal exploration of fantasies and some research conducted from the comfort of your own home and laptop. There’s an unbelievable amount to learn about sexual anatomy and the arousal process that you probably don’t already know, much can be found through the Intimacy X video tutorial section of our website.
Already taken the plunge?
Even couples in the early throes of their relationship can learn a lot by taking a step back and some time to get to know the things they might have overlooked when they were desperately seeking to satisfy their desires. Sex in the ‘honeymoon period’ is great and the unfamiliarity and excitement go a long way to make it irresistible, but what happens when that wears off and it becomes predictable? Little compares to that thrill of sleeping with someone new.
All is not lost! Learning new moves can be hugely beneficial at any stage in your life or relationship. By gaining a better understanding of how the arousal response works and how to work with the many erogenous zones of the human body, you can take your foreplay technique and sexual skills to the next level – reinvigorating your passion for each other and getting that ‘first time’ feeling back in your lives again. A massage workshop is only one way to achieve this. Not your bag? Consider books, video tutorials and experimenting with different types of touch and sensations to enhance your experience.
Experience doesn’t mean new sexual relationships are easy
For older people who may be dating again for the first time in years (such as those who are divorced, separated or widowed), the whole dating thing can be even more daunting. When you’ve only had sexual experiences with one partner for a long time, it can be difficult to adapt to the idea of sleeping with someone new and nerves can be akin to a virgin’s first time. But it doesn’t have to hold you back – if this applies to one or both people in a new relationship, a private massage workshop in a supportive and sensual environment can be the perfect scenario to break the ice and sharpen up your foreplay repertoire in preparation for that perfect ‘first time’. These sessions can be tailored in their delivery to suit your tastes and requirements and you will be made to feel entirely at ease throughout.
A gentle introduction to different sexual lifestyles
Some couples know right from the outset that they want to expand the parameters of their relationship, perhaps they’ve been unhappily monogamous before or they simply want to try something different this time around. Whether that means introducing someone else through cuckolding or a threesome; to dipping the proverbial toe into the waters of swinging or sex parties, starting with a group massage workshop can provide a great taste of what it’s like to involve other people in your sexual experiences and it’s something you can enjoy together, in the safety of a structured workshop led by an expert. With this kind of lifestyle you can enjoy sleeping with someone new over and over again!