Sensual Massage for Women
I like to view the sensual massage as a woman’s 4th option.
Traditionally sexual stimulation can be experienced in three ways:
1. With a partner – intimate, trusting, caring.
2. With a stranger (one night stand) – exciting, spontaneous, non-emotional and without commitment.
3. Masturbation – private, I know what I like.
The 4th option:
Just when women thought they had enough to worry about doctors and the media are now harping on about ‘depressed vaginas’. After realising having a “depressed” vagina is a thing; they say women are also at risk of vaginal atrophy. Vaginal atrophy is a common but treatable condition that causes the vaginal wall to thin. Yes, you read that right. Your vagina can start to waste away. Vaginal atrophy causes the vaginal walls to become thin and dry, which can cause itching and burning down there. But this word ‘depressed’ seems to me to be a miss diagnosis when surely what most women know is that when their vaginas are neglected, that’s when things get challenging. For whatever reason a woman is not receiving sexual stimulation the effect both physiologically and emotionally can be at best distracting and at worst life changing. That’s when the 4th Option can help.
Taking a sensual (erotic) massage offers all of the above but combined. It is caring, supportive, exciting, focused on you and your pleasure, expertly given by someone who understands a woman’s body and mind, who is also discreet, confidential, non-emotional and non-judgemental – offering you complete openness to explore your feelings, curiosities and desires.
Essential therapy and not just a pleasure
Sensual and erotic massage has been around for thousands of years and for much of that time has been seen as healthy, pleasurable and quite normal. From the Ancient Greeks to India and then the Romans, naked massage was the norm. It all changed when the newer religions appeared and arousal of any sort came to be regarded as sexual, ‘carnal’ and only to be experienced conditionally.
And so it has been for the last 1500 years that any sensual or arousing encounter experienced outside of a relationship has been seen as unacceptable to ‘respectable’ society. However, in the last 30 years sensual massage has become popular again, particularly with men who now seek this as a way to de-stress or receive caring intimate attention, as well as enjoy sensual pleasures. But if society is to really accept sensual massage as something meaningful, relevant and therapeutic it will never be because of men attempting to persuade and justify their actions. No, it will be women who are the ones to legitimise the use of sensual massage as the healthy and powerful therapy that it is.
In the past five years, more and more women are seeking out sensual massage, discovering that they too can enjoy a moment in time that is intimate, expressive, caring, sensual and erotic, and then be able to return to their day-to-day lives without feeling judged or guilty.
I have been giving sensual massage to women for six years and in that time have treated women of all ages, nationalities, ethnicities, body types and size. Some of the women I see are happily single, some are reluctantly single, many are partnered in loving yet sexually unfulfilling relationships. Others are in relationships where the sex has become routine and predictable, some are in good relationships but want more, sexually. Many are from cultures that restrict their sensual and sexual expression and a few are simply nervous and naive when it comes to both their and others’ sensual arousal. In all cases when booking the appointment they express a desire to enjoy a level of satisfaction that they feel is currently missing from their own lives.
So, it is no surprise that after taking their first sensual massage most of my female clients say that as well as being very pleasurable, it has also helped them to reignite a sexuality that they felt they had lost touch with. Or that the massage has enabled them to discover a sexuality that they have been longing to explore but have not been with a partner who could meet them in that aspect of themselves.
Growth & popularity of sensual massage
The growth and popularity of sensual massage have been mostly driven by men. It is widely accepted that men seek sex as a means to satisfy sexual drive but often it is the physical intimacy that comes with the sex that they are seeking just as much. If in a non sexual relationship or a busy life that does not allow them to have a relationship, a man will seek out contact with another human being; in the past this would have been found by visiting a brothel or seeing a prostitute or escort. However, in the late 1980s tantric massage slipped oilily on to the westerner’s menu; initially lauded by Sting of the pop group, The Police, it brought to notice the possibility that there could be a legitimate way to experience erotic arousal that was not smutty or indulgent but could be seen as a spiritual experience. As the word ‘tantric’ crept further into the public psyche, so men who previously had avoided the impersonal environment of sexual services, began to explore the caring sensual touch of a tantric masseur.
Then, around 2005, and emerging from the tantric world came masseurs like myself who – although supportive of the tantric philosophy, found it did not sit well as a description of how they wanted to present their version of an intimate arousing massage. Coming from a more humanistic approach, sensual massage gave the option of receiving an intimate massage that was based on traditional massage but also encouraged arousal and orgasm. The treatment focused more on the body’s natural desire for intimate touch and arousal; it gave the receiver an all-round experience that was relaxing and therapeutic but also stimulating and erotic.
With more and more people now seeking this authentic approach to massage, there has been a considerable increase in masseurs offering sensual massage, many of them trained in the traditional techniques but then adding the sensual aspects to their massage routine.
So it is my hope that soon sensual massage will no longer be regarded by society as a sexual service (according to UK legal terminology any contact that causes arousal whilst not illegal is termed a sexual service) but be accepted as a legitimate health treatment that relaxes our body, improves our sense of well-being and often improves our relationships and sexual performance with partners and loved ones.
However, I believe that if sensual massage is to be fully accepted, it will be women who change these perceptions since it is women who are increasingly seeking out sensual massage, not because they are sexually needy – as men are often deemed to be – but because they know that if their bodies are not sexually satisfied they can be negatively affected – physiologically, emotionally and even in their general health.
In Victorian times thousands of women were diagnosed with a mental disorder known as ‘hysteria’. One of the most common diagnoses of hysteria was for women to have an ‘overt desire or need for sexual arousal’. The treatment for this ‘ghastly mental disorder’ was either masturbation by hand from a doctor to remove the mental psychosis or – much worse – the removal of the woman’s ovaries.
Thankfully attitudes have changed and western society in particular does not view female sexuality in this way anymore. However, although no longer persecuted for being sexual -women are still controlled and judged in their sexual behaviour. A man being regularly sexually active is often seen as virile or a stud, while women behaving the same would be seen as ‘loose’ or a slut. But to my mind, it is women who are far more justified in seeking erotic stimulation than men. Quite simply – vaginas are hungry organs. Certainly, women can talk about and explore their sexuality much more easily now; magazines abound with information on better orgasms or sexual techniques and then there’s the phenomenon of the book (and film), 50 ‘Shades of Grey’ and its BDSM storyline that 80,000 female readers found fascinating. But it still seems that if a woman admits to enjoying sexual expression and wanting more or something different to what she is currently getting, unlike men, she still has limited options as to where to find it.
If a man feels sexually frustrated he can masturbate and his hand becomes an adequate replacement vagina. But for a female, clitoral stimulation – although very pleasurable – can not recreate the primal sensation of vaginal penetration. Even with the use of a vibrator the feeling of being desired and taken, a fundamental primal desire of the female, cannot be replicated. Thus if not in a functional sexual relationship or not wishing to seek out one night stands, how does a woman get to experience her primal erotic nature? She could slip into a relationship that is fundamentally not right for her but that at least is sexual or she could seek out casual sexual encounters via internet sites or sex apps with anonymous partners whom she knows very little about – in both cases risking not only her reputation and health but also her safety. So what does she do to fulfil her needs? A 90-minute sensual massage is the answer.
Sensual massage is even more relevant for women
Having a sensual massage with a professional masseur gives a woman a place where she can be private, not judged, and be the centre of attention. A place where she can focus on herself and be able to explore her sexuality in whatever way she likes, without feeling she has to give in return. A place to overcome sexual frustration, explore new sensations, reduce sexual anxieties or simply experience total relaxation by being unconditionally desired and pampered by a professional.
Below are some of the reasons female clients have given me for wanting to have a sensual massage:
- I enjoy regular massage, to have my muscles worked professionally but I also want to experience intimate touch so that I can connect with the deeper primal sensual part of myself.
- I want to experience a sensual massage in ’50 Shades of Grey’ manner where the masseur is in complete control and I can just lay back and enjoy his authority with the knowledge that I am ultimately in control of all that takes place. (Note: This type of sensual massage does not include any BDSM or role play but incorporates assertive massage and some physical body lifting – only in the case of clients with slim to average physiques – as well as strong arousal techniques.)
- I like to enjoy the firm yet tender touch of a man without the need to perform or give back sexually.
- I enjoy receiving arousal and ultimately orgasm through gentle prolonged intimate touch rather than penetrative intercourse.
- I have a loss of libido.
- I have a fear of intimacy and am embarrassed about my body but still want to enjoy sensual arousal.
- I experience painful intercourse and orgasmic dysfunction.
- I am insecure and sexually inexperienced and want to learn more about my sexuality as well as how to give excellent sensual arousal to my partners.
- I am a single woman who is happy to not be in a relationship and although my sex life is good I miss the intimacy and tender touch that a relationship brings.
- I believe that it is right to be able to experience arousal and orgasm without commitment and the responsibilities of a relationship.
- I want to explore orgasm as I have heard that there are multiple ways a female can achieve this.
- I am in a marriage/partnership where most else is good but the sex and intimacy has declined and I need to receive intimate attention within a safe professional therapeutic environment that is discreet and private that will not challenge my current situation.
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