It frustrates me that I so often hear people accuse men of only being interested in one thing, Sex! But it is so not true, yes men do love sex, that is what biologically we are programmed to do, have sex and make babies at every opportunity and so our bodies and brains are designed to react to any potential carnal prospect whenever they arise. However, what most people do not realize is that most men love physical intimate touch as much as the sex and in fact, many men can’t perform as confidently as they want to if they do not feel an intimate connection with their partner (be it female or male)
There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that the adage “women have a higher threshold of pain than men” is correct, childbirth makes this necessary but I would then go on to say “Men have a lower threshold of pleasure than women” by this I mean that having given now over 5000 sensual massages to men and some 600 to women I can confidently say that in the arousal stakes male bodies generally react and arouse faster to the touch than female bodies.
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With men, I find that it is only after about 5-10 minutes into the massage that I begin to see and often hear the evidence of arousal. Gentle moans or movements of the body usually show this and as the massage unfolds so the man will become even more aroused. The bodily reactions to my touch on the male body are immediate, when I stroke the back, scratch my nails on his bum or inner thighs or even simply massage his scalp, all of this will make him spontaneously respond with pleasurable sounds or movement. But more than this as the massage unfolds and the Oxytocin hormone floods the body as well as his response of arousal becomes evident so does his need for connection. Similar in purpose to nature programming pain thresholds to be higher for women, I believe it is this need and desire for intimate touch has also been programmed into male physiology and psychology. No, his hand reaching out to touch you is not a predatory sexual approach it is more a genuine need to connect and receive approval. He needs to know you accept him and acknowledging his touch and particularly in the more intimate private areas, when touched and caressed in those places it will indicate to him a complete acceptance.
My experience when giving male-to-male massage and the effect touching and stroking his balls produces is not an erotic response but much more creating a bonding effect. In female to a male sensual massage, the man touching the female masseur is usually seen as a sexual approach but again I believe this is as much about acceptance and approval. When a man feels this acceptance and approval he naturally becomes even more aroused. So guys stand up and be heard, don’t let the world believe you spend you time as a simmering sexual predator, explain to your partner, masseur, escort that you DO like to be stroked, tickled, touched, massaged and that when you reach out to them that this is not a predatory grab but a tender meaningful touch and the more intimate it is the more relaxed and aroused you will become.
I often say, if I went to stand in Trafalgar Square with a placard offering the men the option of taking either a free 5 minute F*** or a free 90 minutes full body sensual massage to include manual orgasm, I am certain that most men, particularly those over 25 years old would go for 90 minutes of intimate arousing touch of course with an orgasm to finish but given by hand.
How bad is bad?
When running my group workshops I often ask the men and women this question. ‘If you had a choice to receive either bad hand masturbation or no hand masturbation’ the women almost always say ‘No Masturbation, if it can’t be done well then don’t do it at all”. Whereas the men reply “Hmm how bad is bad”. These replies simply highlight the fundamental differences between male and female sexual dynamics. Women seek to be desired. Do it well, put the effort in or don’t do it at all. Men, just you doing something to me means you like me.
The demure Debutante or the erotic time bomb?
When I give a sensual massage to a female client the response to my touch is much slower and sedate. The female who immediately displays a response is the exception as usually, it is about 30 minutes into the massage before I begin to witness the effects of my touch. Even at this point it is gradual, maybe some movement and moans ut t is not until the full erotic stimulation takes place that I see the “Flip” when the demure deb explodes into the erotic animal. Again this is proof of the effect of the Oxytocin at work still causing an arousal process but when this fab hormone is released into the female body it creates at first a wariness a “I like what you are doing but let me check you out first” feeling, when this passes, if my touch has been accepted and the female client feels safe, decorum deserts, reticence rolls away and instead the primal energies explode on to the massage table.
Don’t let it ever be said that women are less sexual than men and if you do believe it is men who hold the erotic trump card you will be wrong. It has to be said that after giving some 600 sensual massages to women, I am always in awe of the experience. Once the trust is built and she lets her 21st century controls fall away her primal sexual power is revealed as she rides the wave of orgasmic sensation, often for several hours.