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Questions I am often asked:
What is a sex & relationship engineer?
I have been working in the field of psychosexual health and sexual intimacy since 2005. I created Intimacy Matters in 2012 and since then I have helped over 6000 people in many aspects of their relationships and sexuality. I have discovered and use various different approaches that are not generally covered by conventional methods, to help people in this intimate part of their life My approach could be described as humanistic in that I look at the biological, psychological, social, anthropological and sexual influences behind our sensual desires, curiosities and fears. I work with men women and couples of all sexual orientations. I offer sensual massage treatments, psychosensual treatments and I run individual and group workshops to enhance sexual confidence and sex play skills. I give public talks and run social events. I am based in Central London.
For sometime I searched for a title thatI felt would encomapss my experince and approach to sexuality. The word engineer usually applies to those working with machines but we also have sound engineers, structrural engineer, envionmental engineers and many more that are not solely about mechanics. To my mind a sex and relationship engineer is someone who looks at all aspects of the human sexual being. The biological, psychological, social, anthropological and reproductive drivers that makes us the sexual beings we are. Somtimes these are out of balance and can cause frustrations and conflict leading sometimes to ill health, both in body and mind. By lifting the bonnet and working with both verbal and hands on treatments I aim to adjust these elements to help the person run more smoothly and freely, as they are designed to be.
What is a sensual massage?
With attitudes in modern Britain changing fast, sensual massage is increasingly becoming recognised as one of the most pleasurable healthy treatments a person can experience. Not only is it extremely pleasurable and self-caring but also does wonders for alleviating stress, anxiety and enhances well being.
Is a sensual massage similar to tantric massage?
Yes, it is similar to tantric massage in that it is an intentionally arousing massage but it is given with a humanistic approach that does not include any ceremony or ritual but is focussed on the natural process of arousal of the body and combined with therapeutic benefits of regular massage. It gradually develops from a traditional massage to a sensual massage building to erotic touch. Be sure to learn more about the difference between tantric massage and sensual massage.
Is a sensual massage erotic? Is it sexual?
Yes, taking a sensual massage is erotic in the sense it uses erotic arousal to relax and enhance the pleasure of letting go. The massage can be regarded as sexual in the sense that the intention is to incorporate orgasm in to the experience and although the treatment is designed to simulate the whole sexual arousal process replicates what pioneering sex researchers Willaim Masters and Virginia Johnson categorised as The Excitement Phase, the Plateau Phase, the Orgasmic Phase, the Resolution Phase. The massage is given as an intimate therapeutic treatment rather than a sexual encounter.
Is it a proper massage?
Most certainly since an authentic sensual masseur should also have proper training in therapeutic and maybe sports massage. Always best to check.
What are the differences between the Absolute and the Intimacy Massages?
The Absolute massage is the ultimate erotic massage and by completing the Absolute Authorisation & Request Form can be tailored to your requirements. Generally, clients like to include both external stimulation as well as internal stimulation but this massage can also include specific erotic arousal that a client may want to explore. The Intimacy Massage is lighter in its arousing content and only includes surface of body arousal ( clitoral and nipple)
Will it be good for me?
Undoubtedly read the health and well-being benefits below. For people with sexual performance challenges, I have also developed the Psychosensual treatment.
Where can I get the best sensual massage in the UK?
If you are seeking a very experienced professional sensual masseur then I believe I am probably that person. I take my profession very seriously and for 14 years have been committed to changing attitudes towards sex and sexual arousal. Once asked if I regard my self as a sex worker I replied, yes I do. I work and I work with sex. However, I went on to qualify that one could also regard a celebrity chef like Jamie Oliver or Gordon Ramsey, food workers. I see my self at that end of the sex worker spectrum and like food sex is also one of the fundamental pillars of humanity, even life itself. So why can we not relate to sensual intimacy, sex, and sexual exploration in the same way we have evolved the world of food. Of course, there is big mac sex out there and sometimes that can be very satisfying but there can also be 5-star sex where the whole ambiance is part of the experience and that effort and interest has been put into the occasion to create the best experience possible. Like Jamie and Gorden I take great pleasure in creating ever dish (treatment) I give.
What are the health benefits of taking a sensual massage?
A sensual massage is given with a genuine sense of care and intimacy – incorporating relaxation, pleasure, and arousal of the body. It combines traditional therapeutic massage with intended sensual arousal and erotic stimulation to usually but not necessarily, include orgasm. Receiving a sensual massage produces instant physical and emotional benefits.
When we are touched and particularly when receiving sensual arousing touch, remarkable things happen to our bodies. Doctors and scientific research are increasingly discovering the amazing effectiveness to health and well-being that regular sexual arousal produces. Here are some facts.
It’s a natural pain reliever:
Sex causes increased production of oxytocin, Touch and intimate stimulation of the body triggers the body to produce oxytocin. This so-called ‘ love hormone which is released from the pituitary gland released surges and is accompanied by the release of endorphins, our natural pain-killing hormones. Oxytocin helps us form strong emotional bonds as well as reduce pain. Oxytocin increases the tolerance of pain threshold in women significantly.
It’s a stress reliever:
Endorphins are natural mood-boosters and stress relievers. Sex boosts self-esteem and increases intimacy between partners. Semen contains mood-altering hormones that can reduce depression and elevate mood.
It boosts immunity:
Endorphins stimulate immune system cells that fight disease. Immunoglobulin A in individuals who have regular sex. It helps to protect us from infections.
It’s good for your heart:
Erotic arousal and orgasm depending on your level of enthusiasm can be considered aerobic exercise – burning up to 200 calories per session. When we are aroused we produce higher levels of estrogen which protects against heart disease. The hormones released during arousal causes an increase in blood pressure and heart rate.
Why do we love to be touched?
Without a shadow of a doubt, receiving intimate sensual touch is one of the most pleasant sensations that a person can experience. The sense of touch is a vital part of the human condition and is arguably one of our earliest forms of communication. It is accepted that both our physiology and neurology are specifically designed to facilitate it and when a person is touched it also has a profound effect on our psychology. A slap given with aggression can hurt and indicate anger, causing us to feel fear or anger in return. A firm hand on the shoulder or back will give us a feeling of friendship or support. Intimate, caring touch, particularly when combined with stimulating arousal, can create a feeling of trust and closeness, a factor that is essential in the bonding of human relationships and thus the continuation of the species.
In the beginning …
From our earliest Homo Sapiens ancestors who lived 250,000 years ago to probably as recent as 5000 years ago, tactile intimate touch between humans would almost certainly have been offered and received unconditionally. It would be given without cultural, religious or social controls and probably not seen solely as sexual communication but also as a system to establish both mixed and same-sex cooperation. It would have stimulated group security and collaboration, ensuring – in times of danger and stress – the support between one human and another. It would have helped determine hierarchy, established trusting relationships, promoted teamwork and loving bonds.
Not much has changed in our biology since those early times, and for most of us, the pleasure and desire to be touched by another is still very much within us. When we are touched the skin receptors pass the response information through to the central nervous system which in turn influences the autonomic nervous system. The autonomic nervous system connects to the deepest and most ancient part of our brain known as the Stem or Reptilian brain. This ancient part of the brain can be traced back to over 200 million years of mammal evolution. It is concerned with our most basic primary needs such as survival, physical maintenance, hoarding, dominance, preening and mating and from these basic urges activate the emotions of love, hate, fear, lust, and contentment.
In early man, the distinction of intimate behaviour is appropriate or inappropriate would not have existed; there would have been no social, cultural or religious rules controlling our natural desires and need for intimate touch. Our behaviour would be instinctual: when hungry, we looked for food; when under threat, we fought or ran; and when in need of a sense of belonging, we would have sought intimacy from other humans. There is no greater affirmation of an individual’s acceptance than to touch and be touched intimately, to care and be cared for, without condition, expectation or obligation.
Sensual massage is an ancient natural medicine for today’s stressful times
By providing a person with a non-judgmental, honest, open environment where it is not only OK to feel arousal but appropriate, the sensual massage is probably one of the most fulfilling experiences a person can have, enabling both the body and mind to relax in a way that regular massage does not. By reducing tension and stress or an anxiety of the body, the mind regains its calm. As the body becomes more sensually aroused the sensory messages transmitting from the skin and erogenous areas reaffirm to the mind that we are safe. Hormones such as oxytocin, progesterone and testosterone are released, causing our muscles to relax; the mind becomes still, and for a few hours we can literally exist in the ‘moment’.
Who can benefit from having a sensual massage?
Everyone, of course, but since we are all individuals with unique life experiences and lifestyles, the benefits can vary from person to person. For many the massage can be a glorious discovery of escapism; for others, it can be a place to release the tension of a hectic life; for some, it can be aboutthe exploration of the self, one’s sensuality and sexuality. It can also be very beneficial for those experiencing sexual anxieties and performance issues.
In men, particularly, it can simply be about male to male bonding or it can help with overcoming erectile issues, premature ejaculation, sexuality exploration, loss of libido or fear of intimacy. For women, the massage can be an opportunity to have their body physically stimulated and pleasured without feeling self-conscious, judged or expected to perform in a particular way sexually. For couples, it is a wonderful way to reignite the sexual spark by learning new skills to practise on one another. The treatment can be given as a gift by one partner to the other to let them experience another person’s touch without this threatening the relationship.
For whoever is receiving the massage, it can be an experience that is both profound and revolutionary. We live in a time when there is so much control, and much is expected of us. By having a sensual massage, we return to our primal instincts and desires.
Sensual massage is ultimately about caring for oneself through another person’s energy and physical skills. Arousal and stimulation is an inevitable part of the massage, but orgasm is optional; it can also be an important part of the process since, following the orgasm, feelings of relaxation and well-being can be even more profound.
How can I identify a good sensual massage therapist?
The therapist should be professional in style and approach, acting in integrity and thus inspiring trust in the client. The treatment area should be warm, clean, comfortable and welcoming. The therapist should take the time to explain the process of the massage and answer any questions that the client may have. The massage should include both therapeutic massage of the whole body as well as intimate, sensual, arousing massage of the erogenous and genital areas. The massage should be caring and meaningful with the therapist inspiring a sense of genuine ‘love’ for what they do and to whom they do it for. The therapist should be able to work intuitively, understanding the client’s specific needs but at the same time making their own personal physical boundaries clear.
Colin Richards and Intimacy Matters has current Civil Liability Insurance (including Public/Products Liability and Professional Indemnity) that covers both counselling services and therapeutic massage. Colin Richards and Intimacy Matters DOES NOT have this insurance to cover any sensual or arousing bodywork since to date this is not available. Clients taking a sensual massage, a psychosenual massage or any form of sensual treatment that involves nudity, arousal, and erotic stimulation do so at their own risk and will be asked to sign a waiver before taking the treatment.