From child to young adult, most of us receive at least an adequate education in a myriad of subjects intended to prepare us for life. Maths, science, chemistry and geography to name a few, and if we find any subject difficult, we can get extra tuition. But when it comes to the most necessary and normal part of being a successful human – having a fulfilling and intimate sex life (and for men, how to pleasure a woman) there is no curriculum for this. Schools teach basic biology, pregnancy and STIs. Parents mostly avoid the subject; doctors are too clinical; porn is too unrealistic. Your friends don’t know much more than you. This is why investing time and income to learn how to be the best lover you can be is necessary for both your partner’s fulfilment and your own confidence and self-esteem.
It’s a misconception that women are difficult to please in the bedroom. They’re only difficult to please if you don’t understand the subtleties of female arousal. Many men think that as long as they can find the most obvious erogenous zones like the clitoris or G spot, their work is done. However, many sexually frustrated women will tell you that’s not the case. Several things must be considered including appreciating the extent of her erogenous zones, great timing, applying the right pressure and mixing up sensations; but once you master the art giving a sensual massage then the worry of how to pleasure a woman will vanish.
This article will guide you in some of the ways you can take your love making to the next level and leave her wanting more. All it takes is an investment in time to learn; an understanding of female psychology; patience; practice and of course an appreciation of the complexities of the female mind and body.
Fools rush in
Women can reach orgasm in many ways, however the best female orgasms are the result of a carefully timed chain of events. Hands down the biggest mistake even accomplished lovers make, is to take things too fast. The female arousal process is slower for women than men, and whilst a man is biologically wired to go to penetration as soon as he is hard, a woman requires longer to be both psychologically prepared and physiologically sufficiently lubricated, sometimes well into foreplay. Penetration before she is ready can be frustrating, uncomfortable and even painful for her. Likewise, going down on her too quickly can have the opposite effect, she already needs to be aroused before the clitoris responds to your touch the way you want it to. You can save a lot of effort and your aching jaw and neck by giving oral more wisely. More on how to pleasure a woman with oral technique later…
The art of teasing
To deny a woman what she wants until the last possible moment is to have her coming harder than ever. When giving a sensual massage prior to direct arousal, a partner can tease and entice her into high arousal. Whether on a massage table or a bed, spending time to explore her body with a confident desire will soon have her yearning for more erotic touch.
You must learn to divert your attention away from the obvious areas which are in general ascending order (but variable from woman to woman): her breasts and nipples, bum and anus, G-spot and clitoris and work up to them. If you really want to learn how to pleasure a woman and give her an amazing orgasm, then build up to the climactic moment and use her whole body, remembering that her clitoris and other highly erogenous zones will respond more quickly and powerfully if you leave them till last. Pay attention to her neck, ears, back and inner thighs and use a variation in sensations, gradually getting closer to the areas where she really wants to feel your touch. She will guide you with her responses – pay attention to her hip movements and the noises she makes, even if she doesn’t speak.
Stay in control
The clitoris is a remarkable part of the human anatomy. Its only function is to provide pleasure, but it needs to be treated with care and patience. Remember: the most familiar pinnacle of a sexual experience for many women is a clitoral orgasm during masturbation but you can deliver a different level of satisfaction – if you keep her guessing and vary your touch, technique and the areas you’re paying attention to. Some women like to hear what you plan to do, others like the surprise – either way, nibble her ears, pull her hair back to expose her neck; caress, kiss and bite it and gentle glide over her pubic area to make fleeting contact down there, but don’t stay too long. Massage her thighs and don’t be afraid to be strong and assertive. If she knows you’re in charge, she won’t know what to expect. Subtly open her legs to expose her vagina, gently teasing her vaginal lips and labia with your fingers, occasionally touching her clitoris. Spread her vaginal lips apart and stroke the soft skin inside. Tease the opening but don’t be tempted to enter yet.
Porn is a fantasy, not a reality
Lack of communication sexual education and being influenced by porn are common reasons why many men fall short in the sexual wow factor. Remember the last time you watched a man giving oral sex on camera? She was probably already naked when the film started. He will probably have given her breasts a token squeeze before going down on her, diving straight in, and licking or pounding away furiously like a man possessed. This is not how to pleasure a woman.
Watch porn like you might watch a Marvel movie. Exciting yet fantasy. Forget almost everything you’ve seen in porn. Most men don’t have 10-inch penises, most women don’t lust for anal, most men can’t last for forty five minutes before ejaculating and most women don’t squirt fountains of fluid.
Give better oral
Start gently, teasing the areas around the vagina, nuzzle her thighs, lick and kiss her mons pubis area then in ever decreasing circles, make your way to her clitoris. You need build up to strong pressure on the clitoris, going in hard too soon usually has the opposite effect, desensitising it and resulting in frustratingly slow arousal. Instead try a feather light touch with the tip of your tongue to begin with, break away frequently to her inner thighs and return to the clitoris – all the time varying your strokes and increasing the pressure as she gets more into it. Alternate long strokes with the flat of your tongue with more feather light touches, figure of eights and when she is fully aroused and settles into a rhythm, firm sucking but not too hard. She’ll happily come as she is or ask you to penetrate her and come later.
Simultaneous orgasm becomes possible
Research both old and new has consistently showed that women don’t often orgasm during penetration, but it’s more likely to happen if they’re sufficiently aroused. Additionally, about 15% of women can only reach orgasm with masturbation and find that it becomes unattainable with another person. The cause is usually a combination of their own over-anxious mind and lack of skill by the partner. For women in both the above scenarios, it is even more important that time and creativity are given to foreplay.
Giving her a sensual massage is the perfect form of foreplay to pleasure a women. To bring her almost to the brink with masterful use of timing, exploratory and oral techniques prior to penetration, will give a much more satisfying experience and combined with the right position for penetration she may easily orgasm with you inside her, which can be an extremely pleasurable experience for you too, If you come together, even better. This can be a deeply moving and satisfying experience for a couple, but to achieve this she must be fully aroused.
Want to become a foreplay master?
Sex Engineer & Master Masseur Colin Richards’ of Intimacy Matters is well known for teaching men how to pleasure a women in his Massage My Woman. These classes are specially designed to give men more confidence as lovers and to teach them the art of erotic foreplay and how to pleasure a woman. In the classes, students get to practice on real volunteer receivers. Classes are available as a 2.5 hour taster experiential practice session, a 5 hour foundation class or 10 hour combined foundation & intermediate class. You can improve your sensual massage and foreplay technique in the presence of sex engineer with many years of practical experience and testimonials from hundreds of satisfied and happy clients.
You can also arrange a private couples sensual massage & enhanced foreplay class with your partner and receive one to one tuition and guidance from Colin in a comfortable and relaxed atmosphere. What better gift to the woman in your life?
Why men of all generations should take a class
Age 21 to 35
Most young men of this age believe their natural sex drive will be enough to satisfy their partners’ sexual desires. However, many women find that men in this age group lack the knowledge of foreplay and their approach to sex can be rushed and frantic, often leading to disappointment for the female partner. Incorporating sensual massage into lovemaking slows down the process and delays penetration, so that everyone simultaneously gets to the pinnacle of pleasure.
Age 35 – 50
Often, men in this age group have come to realise that something is lacking in their lovemaking repertoire. The occasional comment by girlfriends or apparent lack of interest in sex by wives and long-term partners, is making them consider expanding their knowledge and expertise in giving pleasure. However, other than the odd advice book, there are few places where constructive advice and practical skills can be learned. Taking a sensual massage class changes all that and can energise long term relationships, making sex fun and adventurous again for both partners.
Age 50 – 70
It’s never too late to learn how to give pleasure. At this age, most men are beginning to experience challenges with maintaining an erection and if penetration has always been their forte, this can signal the end of their sex lives. Giving an erotic massage as part of lovemaking enables men of this generation to use other skills and techniques to satisfy their partners, thus taking the emphasis off penetration to become a pleasant option, rather than an anxiously expected essential.
70 – onwards
There is no limit to giving erotic pleasure, it’s both emotionally and physiologically fulfilling and regular intimate connection is healthy. So the gentlemen of this age group should invest in sensual massage as much for their own health and well-being as for their partners. Rather than being limited by a societal view of sex as being for the young and virile only, enjoy sex as much as you want to, which for many men over 70 is more than they might have expected. There is no reason why older couples can’t have as much fun and enjoyment as their younger counterparts.