Sexual frustration is one of the most common reasons for relationships to break down and sexual tension affects all relationships at some time or another. A leading cause of depression and mental illness according to recent research, the causes of long term sexual frustration for women can be rooted in a number of different things, such as feeling sexually rejected by your partner, sexual anxiety problems, worrying about how you look or a general lack of intimacy in the relationship. This article will deal with the sexual frustrations often suffered by women and what can be done to reignite the spark and bring the intimacy back in your relationship.
Feeling sexually rejected by your partner?
Communication is the first step in resolving this, as it’s important to foster some mutual understanding on the issue and understand what is causing your partner to repeatedly reject you. The cause could be low libido, stress, worry related to erectile dysfunction or other sexual anxiety issues that stem from abuse, trauma, fear of intimacy or psychological issues of a different kind. The important thing is to work through the issues in a safe space. Many couples choose to work with an expert who can understand the feelings of both parties and help to unravel where things have gone wrong that has led to rejection and sexual frustration.
Are you bored by your partner’s technique?
It’s easy for sex to become monotonous and mechanical after a couple has been together for a long time, often leading to sexual frustration. Couples naturally slip into comfortable, predictable habits and the thrill of something new and exciting can become more difficult to resist. The good news is, you can bring that feeling back into your relationship with a bit of effort. Has your partner become lazy with his technique? Does he rush into penetration? Are you lacking the confidence to show them what you enjoy or to guide them in what turns you on or brings you to orgasm? Once again, communication is a vital part of improving sexual technique and in giving your partner a satisfying experience. Private classes or group classes can help you introduce exciting new techniques to your sexual repertoire and foreplay. Focusing on massage and touch, an educational sexual technique class can turn your sex life from boring and disappointing to deeply satisfying. The benefits of a healthy and fulfilling sex life will transfer naturally to other areas of your relationship, providing an overall sense of wellbeing and harmony.
Lack of intimacy in a relationship
According to Colin Richards: “Sexual arousal and intimacy for women is not just about relationships and reproduction, it is an integral part of their very being. Finally, the medical world is recognising this, and many GPs (forward thinking ones) are recommending women have more sex to help with boosting their immune system, improve mental health and simply for better well-being.” An obvious cause of sexual frustration for women and men, lack of sex and intimacy could be the result of a complete lack of sexual contact with your partner or simply a lack of emotional connection and intimacy during sex. Combined with counselling to help to reconnect psychologically, followed by discovering different types of touch, slowing down the sexual experience and taking time to reconnect with each other’s bodies through extended foreplay or experimenting with different sexual positions that encourage a deeper sense of connection, can bring the spark and intimacy back for a couple. Learn about massage and foreplay techniques with one of the Intimacy Matters’ Sensual Massage and Enhanced Foreplay workshops.
Affected by erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation?
You might be asking ‘why is my husband not getting erect’ or ‘why can’t he last longer in bed’. Another common cause of sexual frustration and tension thanks to a lot of media attention towards male performance, it has become difficult for men to live up to the ideal we are often faced with. Society and popular culture (particularly through porn) places penetration at the centre of the sexual experience, but in reality it’s only a part of it. Rebalancing expectations can go a long way to easing frustrations and anxieties in this area, along with focusing on other ways find sexual satisfaction and reach orgasm. This can be achieved through counselling either independently or as a couple, during which a full lifestyle review is carried out and the the emotional dynamic of the situation can be explored. By attending these sessions together through couples counselling, productive and open discussion can be encouraged in a safe and positive environment. Following counselling, there is the option to engage in a physical workshop. In a controlled environment such as this, the partner of someone dealing with erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation can be taught to give a sensual massage that can encourage calm relaxation and arousal. And vice versa, your partner can be taught how to pleasure you in other ways so the pressure is taken off penetrative sex. Often erectile issues are resolved by this re-framing of the sexual experience alone.
Is his penis size affecting your enjoyment of sex?
They say ‘size matters’ and it could indeed be a reason why you are not feeling sexually satisfied by your partner. If your man has a small penis that either you or he considers to be unsatisfactory, it can lead to a deep sense of inadequacy which can have a knock-on effect on his self-confidence, in turn impacting on other areas of his life. But even for couples who are challenged in this area, there is much that can be done to assist them in having fulfilling and satisfying experiences and forgetting all about the size of his penis. Sensual massage classes can teach him the art of erotic touch that will leave you begging for more and not even thinking about his penis size. There’s even an option to undertake a private massage workshop together. With the right training, he can become an accomplished lover, a master of foreplay and sexual technique; giving you endless pleasure and him a huge confidence boost. You may be surprised what it unleashes! Sexual frustration can become a thing of the past.
When sex is too rushed
Foreplay should bring you to the point of almost begging for penetration, or as Sex Engineer Colin Richards says – “you pull him in rather than he pushes his way in”. Talk to your partner about how else he can satisfy you and emphasise the benefit of teasing, easing your sexual frustration. There are so many ways that a man can please a woman sexually, particularly if penetration has become difficult for some reason or is over too quickly. That issue can be addressed separately but it’s important to consider the alternatives. The neck, nipples, breasts, clitoris, G spot, A spot… are just some of the erogenous zones that can all be reached without penetration and can drive you wild before penetration has even occurred. Want your man to learn more? Tell him about our Licensed to Thrill Classes
Stuck in a sexless marriage?
It’s more common than you think for couples, particularly those who have been married for a long time, to find themselves living as friends rather than lovers and in a near constant state of sexual frustration. Religious pressures and doctrines or negative past experiences, combined with low self esteem or bodily shame and embarrassment can create a situation where sex is avoided altogether and a sexless marriage is a source of frustration for bother partners. It could be due to your own issues or those of your partner. In any case, working through the causes either individually or as a couple is the first step in resolving the issue and moving towards a healthy and satisfying sex life together.
Fear of Intimacy
A fear of intimacy can have serious long term impacts on a relationship and is difficult to deal with for both parties, leading to sexual frustration for both you and him. If you have a fear of intimacy then it may be very difficult for you to discuss this with your partner as the conversation itself can be traumatic. Colin Richards has worked with over 8000 people to help them achieve a fulfilling sexual experiences. His belief is that sexuality is a foundation stone of identity and if this foundation stone is not secure then the whole sense of self can be impacted. Colin’s work with clients struggling with fear of intimacy is holistic and can centre around counselling, physical work or a combination of both, always working to the client’s level of comfort. Colin’s work on sexuality incorporates the emotional, biological, anthropological as well as the physical aspects of arousal and sexual frustration, allowing the client in their own time to not only feel comfortable again with sex, but to embrace it as an enjoyable part of life.